I got the hungrys ...

I got the hungrys for your love and I'm waitin' in your welfare line.

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had 7 but one
died, which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

I am writing to the welfare department to say that my baby was born 2
years old. When do I get my money?

Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited
regularly by the clergy.

I cannot get sick pay. I have 6 children. Can you tell me why?

I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.

This is my eight child, what are you going to do about it?

Please find for certain if my husband is dead; the man I am now living
with can't eat or do anything until he knows.

I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my boy illiterate
as this is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he
was born.

In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10
pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which
was a mistake, as you will see.

My husband got his project cut off 1 week ago and I haven't had any
relief since.

Unless I get my husband's money soon, I will be forced to lead an
immortal life.

You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any
difference?

I have no children yet, as my husband is a bus driver and works day and
night.

In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in
the enclosed envelope.

I want my money as soon as I can get it. I have been in bed with the
doctor for 2 months and he doesn't doe me any good. If things don't
improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

Thanks to StrangeCosmos.com

Redneck Church

You Know You're Church Is A Redneck Church...

IF the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

IF people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two
fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

WHEN the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the
offering,"
five guys and two women stand up.

IF opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church
holiday.

IF a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive
truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

IF the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

WHEN in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names
in the church directory.

IF Baptism is referred to as "branding".

IF high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

IF people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too
heavy.

IF the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

IF the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from)
Billy Bob's Barbecue.

IF the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

IF instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

IF the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

IF the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".

IF "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

IF the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya
Hear"

Submitted by Pasadena Phil