Jane Taber

Has BCE sold CTV yet?
If they haven't, I'm gonna dump BCE - all 202 shares
(i bot 190 and they threw in another 12 cause they
couldn't sell them to anyone else)

Have CTV on in the background and all I can hear is Jane Taber screaming about something.

You know how I like to include a pertinent photo with my posts ... well, I googled "Jane Taber Image" and found this! (click on photo to enlarge)





Honest, I'm not kidding.

Quotes About Gold

If you don't trust gold, do you trust the logic of taking a beautiful pine tree, worth about $4,000 - $5,000, cutting it up, turning it into pulp and then paper, putting some ink on it and then calling it one billion dollars?
~Kenneth J. Gerbino

There can be no other criterion, no other standard than gold. Yes, gold which never changes, which can be shaped into ingots, bars, coins, which has no nationality and which is eternally and universally accepted as the unalterable fiduciary value par excellence.
~Charles De Gaulle

Every individual is a potential gold buyer, although he may not need the gold. It may be added to the store of personal wealth, and passed from generation to generation as an object of family wealth. There is no other economic good as marketable as gold.
~Hans F. Sennholz

Gold will be around, gold will be money when the dollar and the euro and the yuan and the ringgitt are mere memories.
~Richard Russell

Bullion doesn't pay interest or dividends, nor does it grow or expand by itself. That's the price you pay for tranquillity.
~Pierre Lassonde

Gold is not necessary. I have no interest in gold. We'll build a solid state, without an ounce of gold behind it. Anyone who sells above the set prices, let him be marched off to a concentration. That's the bastion of money.
~Adolf Hitler

There are about three hundred economists in the world who are against gold, and they think that gold is a barbarous relic - and they might be right. Unfortunately, there are three billion inhabitants of the world who believe in gold.
~Janos Fekete

Hot Dogs

The Man Who Sold Hot Dogs

There was once a man who lived by the side of the road and sold hot dogs.
He was hard of hearing so he had no radio.
He had trouble with his eyes, so he read no newspapers.
But he sold very good hot dogs.
He put up signs on the highway telling how good they were.
He stood on the side of the road and cried out: "BUY A HOT DOG, MISTER?"
And people bought.
He increased his meat and bun orders.
He bought a bigger stove to take care of his trade.
He finally got his son home from college to help him out.
But then something happened.
His son said, "FATHER, haven't you been listening to the radio?
Haven't you been reading the newspapers?
There's a big recession.
The current business situation is terrible."

Whereupon the father thought, "Well, my son's been well educated, he reads the papers, and listens to the radio, so he ought to know".

So the father cut down on his meat and bun orders, took down his advertising signs, no longer bothered to stand by the side of the road to sell his hot dogs.
And his hot dog sales fell almost overnight.

"You're right, son," the father said.
"We certainly are in the middle of a great recession."

eats noot wad eu saay ...

How to drive your english teacher crazy.

{eats noot wad eu saay, ets h0weu saay eet}

... from clara's blogspot (404 not found)

SAY EU LURFE ME

Yesterday you asked me something
I thought you knew
So i told you with a smile
Its all about you
Then you whispered in my ear
And you told me too
Said you make my life worthwhile
Its all about you

And i would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
I don't know what I would do
So hold me close
And just say those three words like you used to
I love you

Updated Photo

It's time for an updated profile photo.

Here I am in Banff National Park, proud as
can be of our 1981 Olds Omega.

Photo by wag; (my vivacious ex).

Doug Casey - Gold

What Most People Don’t Know About Gold
By Doug Casey


Historically, gold has never been viewed as a speculation. It was simply money: cash in the most basic form. It was a medium of exchange and a store of value. People did not accumulate gold because it could make them wealthy, but because it was a convenient, liquid way to keep the wealth they had.

Adrian Rogers

At Bellevue Baptist, thousands say goodbye to Adrian Rogers ‘til heavenly reunion

Source ...

Steve Gaines - message transcript

“Some people can’t find Jesus for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.” -Adrian Rogers

9 Red Flags

9 Red Flags to help spot message board Scammers

1/ Someone who hyper-posts on only one stock.

2/ Someone who uses multiple identities.

3/ Some who repeatedly attacks or belittles others on a stock's message boards.

4/ Someone who emerges as the stock's moderator, or even the leader of the discussion group on that stock.

5/ Someone, with a short history in their member profile, who suddenly shows up during a stock run-up, and appears to know "all about" the company.

6/ Someone who is nearly always the first to respond to company developments.

7/ Someone who continuously hints at upcoming news and unannounced contracts.

8/ Someone who hypes the company during the run-up and then "changes" his/her mind and begins attacking the company, its insiders and the project.

9/ Someone who goes out of their way to find bad news about the company and makes a "case" out of it.

Preferred Shares

Source: Canadian Wealth Advisor January 2003

Insiders guide to preferreds.

Preferred shares can offer investors a better after-tax yield than bonds, while being close in security to bonds.

There are two main differences between bonds and preferreds: security, and the tax treatment of bond interest versus preferred share dividends.

Dividends come with a credit.
Dividends paid on preferred shares are treated identically for tax purposes as dividends from common shares. So indicated dividend yields on preferred shares are actually even higher when you factor in the Canadian dividend tax credit. The dividend tax credit makes dividends from eligible Canadian companies worth around one-third more, after tax, than the same amount of interest income.

For example, an investor in the 50% tax bracket would pay 50% tax on interest income. Canadian dividend income, after factoring in the dividend tax credit, would be taxed at only around 33%. That means that a preferred share yielding 5% is equivalent, on an after-tax basis, to a bond yielding 6.7%.

Investment quality provides security.
Preferred shares have a prior claim on a firm's assets over the common shares, in the event of the winding up or the dissolution of the company. However, preferred shares rank behind creditors and bondholders. that's why when evaluating preferred stock, an issuer's creditworthiness is of prime importance. When you buy bonds, it's best to stick with high-quality government bonds, and avoid higher-risk corporate bonds. When you invest in preferreds, choose bank or utility company preferreds, rather than higher-yielding preferreds from riskier firms.

Preferred shares are usually entitled to a fixed dividend. However, unlike bond or debt interest, a firm's board can vote to not pay preferred dividends. But they usually have to suspend common dividends first. Again, stick with the highest quality preferreds.

Special features.
Callable or redemption feature: Preferred share issuers often have the right to call or redeem preferred issues. This is an advantage to the issuer. Usually the terms provide for a small premium over the par value of the shares.

Retractable preferreds: The preferred shareholder can force the company to buy back the shares on a specified date at a specified price.

Cumulative feature: If a company's board votes to not pay preferred dividends, then the unpaid dividends accumulate in arrears. All arrears must be paid before common dividends are resumed or the preferred shares are redeemed.

Non-cumulative feature: Non-cumulative preferred shares are entitled to dividends only when declared. Skipped dividends do not accumulate in arrears. However, common dividends have to end before companies cut preferred dividends.

First Snow

The Winding Road by Mike Zortman

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Thanks to Dee ...

I'm Not Lisa

JESSI COLTER IS SINGING
"I'M NOT LISA."

Homecoming Day

_HT_
Speakers on for listening pleasure

It’s a long winding journey that we have to take,
It’s a life filled with sadness that we have to face;
Loved ones are taken and never replaced,
But praise God, we’re headed for Homecoming Day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And so there I was, all decked out in my freshly dry-cleaned uniform, headed for an appointment ashore in Halifax. It's 10 AM and a begrizzled, slightly staggering specimen of the species stops me and asks,
"Excuse me Sir. Are you a Captain for the Lord?"
And I said, "No, I'm in the Navy!"

The Short Squeeze

Thanks to KeyStone Financial:

Looniversity - The Short Squeeze

Ah, the “short squeeze” – while the term may conger up images of your broker’s vertically challenged girlfriend, in the financial world, the term has quite a different meaning. All financial humour aside (thankfully), this week we take a look at the phenomenon known as the short squeeze.

Short Sale

An investor who sells stock short borrows shares from a brokerage house and sells them to another buyer. Proceeds from the sale go into the shorter’s account. He must buy those shares back (cover) at some point in time and return them to the lender.

Short Squeeze

While shorters sell short a stock on the hope that its price will plunge, there is always a chance that its price may begin to rise. If it does so, more and more of these “shorters” will “cover” their investments. That is, they’ll buy back the shares that they had shorted, and take a loss, since they’re now having to buy the shares at a higher price. As more and more shorters do this, the price rises (since more people are buying than selling). In investment parlance, this is a short squeeze.

A Better Place ...

I am the midnight watchman down at Miller's Tool and Die.
And I watch the metal rusting, I watch the time go by.
A week ago at the diner I stopped to get a bite.
And this here lovely lady she sat two seats from my right.
And Lord, Lord, Lord she was alright.
You see, she was so damned beautiful that she could warm a winter's frost.
But she was long past lonely, and well nigh unto lost.
Now I'm not much of a mover, or a pick-em-up easy guy,
But I decided to glide on over, and give her one good try.
And Lord, Lord, Lord she was worth a try.
Well, I was tongued-tied like a school boy, I stammered out some words.
It did not seem to matter much, 'cause I don't think she heard.
She just looked clear on through me to a space back in my head.
It shamed me into silence, as quietly she said,
"If you want me to come with you, then that's all right with me.
Cause I know I'm going nowhere, and anywhere's a better place to be."

YouTube

Late Harvest

Bryan Raugust took a break from harvesting his field of canola last Wednesday long enough to talk to The Valley Times. His fields are located just off of Highway 9 East near the Michichi turnoff. Farmers in the area are trying desperately to wrap up the fall harvest which is about a month late due to all of the wet weather we have been having lately. The Valley Times is saluting the hard working farmers this week since it is Agriculture Week in Alberta.

The Old Rugged Cross

YouTube

Trailer Park Brokers

My new adviser will be a commodity expert known as Bubbles (because of his thick glasses), who recommends a basket of commodity exposure such as an index or the direct holding of several commodities. He currently holds a nice mix of "hard" and "soft" commodities such as returnable bottles, used shopping carts and a hemp crop. ~BILL CARRIGAN

The Way of the Cross

> #27 in the hymn book

I must needs go home by the way of the cross,
There's no other way but this;
I shall ne'er get sight of the Gates of Light,
If the way of the cross I miss.

Storms Never Last ...

Storms never last do they, Baby?
Bad times all pass with the winds.
Your hand in mine stills the thunder.
You make the sun want to shine.

YouTube

Satisfaction

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. -Doug Larson

Thanks to Bob Remple.

22 Rules of Trading

Dennis Gartman's 22 Rules of Trading
1. Never, under any circumstance add to a losing position.... ever! Nothing more need be said; to do otherwise will eventually
and absolutely lead to ruin!

2. Trade like a mercenary guerrilla. We must fight on the winning side and be willing to change sides readily when one side has
gained the upper hand.

3. Capital comes in two varieties: Mental and that which is in your pocket or account. Of the two types of capital, the mental is
the more important and expensive of the two. Holding to losing positions costs measurable sums of actual capital, but it costs
immeasurable sums of mental capital.

4. The objective is not to buy low and sell high, but to buy high and to sell higher. We can never know what price is "low." Nor
can we know what price is "high." Always remember that sugar once fell from $1.25/lb to 2 cent/lb and seemed "cheap" many
times along the way.

5. In bull markets we can only be long or neutral, and in bear markets we can only be short or neutral. That may seem self-evident;
it is not, and it is a lesson learned too late by far too many.

6. "Markets can remain illogical longer than you or I can remain solvent," according to our good friend, Dr. A. Gary Shilling.
Illogic often reigns and markets are enormously inefficient despite what the academics believe.

7. Sell markets that show the greatest weakness, and buy those that show the greatest strength. Metaphorically, when bearish,
throw your rocks into the wettest paper sack, for they break most readily. In bull markets, we need to ride upon the strongest
winds... they shall carry us higher than shall lesser ones.

8. Try to trade the first day of a gap, for gaps usually indicate violent new action. We have come to respect "gaps" in our nearly
thirty years of watching markets; when they happen (especially in stocks) they are usually very important.

9. Trading runs in cycles: some good; most bad. Trade large and aggressively when trading well; trade small and modestly when
trading poorly. In "good times," even errors are profitable; in "bad times" even the most well researched trades go awry. This is the
nature of trading; accept it.

10. To trade successfully, think like a fundamentalist; trade like a technician. It is imperative that we understand the fundamentals
driving a trade, but also that we understand the market's technicals. When we do, then, and only then, can we or should we, trade.

11. Respect "outside reversals" after extended bull or bear runs. Reversal days on the charts signal the final exhaustion of the bullish
or bearish forces that drove the market previously. Respect them, and respect even more "weekly" and "monthly," reversals.

12. Keep your technical systems simple. Complicated systems breed confusion; simplicity breeds elegance.

13. Respect and embrace the very normal 50-62% retracements that take prices back to major trends. If a trade is missed, wait
patiently for the market to retrace. Far more often than not, retracements happen... just as we are about to give up hope that they
shall not.

14. An understanding of mass psychology is often more important than an understanding of economics. Markets are driven by
human beings making human errors and also making super-human insights.

15. Establish initial positions on strength in bull markets and on weakness in bear markets. The first "addition" should also be
added on strength as the market shows the trend to be working. Henceforth, subsequent additions are to be added on retracements.

16. Bear markets are more violent than are bull markets and so also are their retracements.

17. Be patient with winning trades; be enormously impatient with losing trades. Remember it is quite possible to make large
sums trading/investing if we are "right" only 30% of the time, as long as our losses are small and our profits are large.

18. The market is the sum total of the wisdom ... and the ignorance...of all of those who deal in it; and we dare not argue with the
market's wisdom. If we learn nothing more than this we've learned much indeed.

19. Do more of that which is working and less of that which is not: If a market is strong, buy more; if a market is weak, sell more.
New highs are to be bought; new lows sold.

20. The hard trade is the right trade: If it is easy to sell, don't; and if it is easy to buy, don't. Do the trade that is hard to do and that
which the crowd finds objectionable. Peter Steidelmeyer taught us this twenty five years ago and it holds truer now than then.

21. There is never one cockroach! This is the "winning" new rule submitted by our friend, Tom Powell.

22. All rules are meant to be broken: The trick is knowing when... and how infrequently this rule may be invoked!

Out of the Mire ...

... and into the Choir!

He took me out of the mire into the choir,
Singing glory to His name;
When all hope was gone, Jesus came along,
And I’ll never, never be the same.

In To The Choir (speakers on?)

Update Sep 24:
The above link doesn't seem to be working. Into the Choir and other gospel music at MemoryLaneGospel.com. The site appears to be under renovation.

Most Embarrassing First Date

This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the
prize!

She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun, but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humour of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down.

Sabbath Grace Fellowship

The 1st Response Disaster Team departed from Orlando on Monday, August 29 in route to help Katrina victims. After a nonstop 15 hour drive, including detours, we arrived in Biloxi, Mississippi. There was no power, no water, no sewer, no gas, nothing. With the direction of the local police we set up operations in a local mall parking lot and immediately began serving coffee and refreshments to the rescue and police officers who had been pulling bodies out of rubble and live victims out of trees.
By daybreak of Tuesday people began streaming to our sit for hot meals, coffee and water. We served nonstop day and night for the next two days, bringing a small degree of relief to thousands. For most, it was the first meal in two days. We returned to Orlando 5:30 AM Thursday after our fuel, water and food was depleted.

Related Topic: Post Katrina Postcard

Bill Bailey

Photo found here ...

Won't you come home, Bill Bailey
Won't you come home?
She moans the whole day long.
I'll do the cookin', darling
I'll pay the rent,
I know I've done you wrong;
'member that rainy eve that
I threw you out,
With nothing but a fine-tooth comb?
I know I'm to blame,
Well, ain't that a shame
Bill Bailey won't you please come home.

_Speakers on ?_
Bill Bailey, is you sore?

Deferred Success

> If your children come home with reports suggesting they have been asleep for most of the last school year, do not label them as failures. They have been merely "deferring success". Failure, says Liz Beattie, a retired primary school teacher, is a word that should be deleted from the classroom dictionary, because it can put children off learning. -Guardian

> Education Secretary Ruth Kelly has dismissed suggestions that the concept of "failure" should be removed from school in favour of "deferred success".

She said she gave the idea - which will be discussed at a teachers' conference - "nought out of 10". -BBC

Hercules

The 10ft Liger who's still growing...
He looks like something from a prehistoric age or a fantastic creation from Hollywood. But Hercules is very much living flesh and blood - as he proves every time he opens his gigantic mouth to roar. Part lion, part tiger, he is not just a big cat but a huge one,standing 10ft tall on his back legs. Called a liger, in reference to his crossbreed parentage, he is the largest of all the cat species.

On a typical day he will devour 20lb of meat, usually beef or chicken, and is capable of eating 100lb at a single setting. At just three years old, Hercules already weighs half a ton.
Truth or Fiction.

Pastor Joe Wright's Prayer

When Pastor Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual politically correct generalities. But what they heard instead was a stirring prayer, passionately calling our country to repentance and righteousness.

The response was immediate - with a number of legislators walking out during the prayer. In six short weeks Central Christian Church logged more than 5,000 phone calls, with only 47 of those calls responding negatively.

Commentator Paul Harvey aired Pastor Joe Wright's prayer on the radio and received a larger response to this program than any other program Paul Harvey has ever aired.
In addition, Central Christian Church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa, and Korea.

The prayer is reprinted below:

Heavenly Father, we come before You today to ask Your forgiveness and seek Your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, "Woe on those who call evil good," but that's exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values.

We confess that:
We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it pluralism;
We have worshiped other gods and called it multi-culturalism;
We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle;
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery;
We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation;
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare;
We have killed our unborn and called it choice;
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable;
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem;
We have abused power and called it political savvy;
We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition;
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression;
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, O God, and know our hearts today;
try us and see if there be some wicked way in us;
cleanse us from every sin and set us free.

Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent here by the people of Kansas, and who have been ordained by You, to govern this great state.

Grant them Your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the center of Your will.

I ask it in the name of Your Son, the Living Savior, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

Truth or Fiction

Josh Norman

Eye Of The Storm - some great photos of Biloxi and area.

Honourable mention 1/ The Baptists are here in force. It's very impressive.

Honourable mention 2/ This cavalry came from Texas.

2005 Precipitation

By the time the weekend is over, my area will have accumulated close to two feet of rain this season. This must be some sort of record.

O Holy Nite

It's blogger's heaven tonite,
Chilly and damp, weather wise.
A very good time to 'puterize!

I love Christmas songs. But usually by about December 20 I'm already Christmassed out from radio and tv over-play.

Tonight, this seems apropos. (speakers on)?

_Here_ are variations of melody.

AA (attitude adjustment)

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by saying only polite words, playing soft music and doing anything else he could think of to clean up the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

W Maxfield, Stow, Massachusetts

The Eighteen Bottles

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and pured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I'm not under tha affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

Sad Day in Standard

Andrew John Patterson, 21, of Standard died in Foothills Hospital from injuries he sustained when his red GMC Jimmy hit the back of a grain truck at approximately 9 p.m. on Friday on Highway 575, approximately 4.83 kilometres west of Nacmine. The impact caused the SUV to spin almost 180 degrees before coming to a complete stop. The accident occurred almost directly in front of the Kirkpatrick grain elevator.

Thanks to: ValleyTimes

George J.

Airline Maintenance

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Comment: Qantas isn't spelled Quantas.

Oh! Dem Golden Slippers

Vernon Dalhart

Oh my golden slippers
Am alaid away,
Kase I don't 'spect to wear 'em
Till my wedding day,
An' my long tail'd coat,
Dat I lov'd so well,
I will wear up in de chariot in de morn.
An my long white robe
Dat I bo't last June,
I'm gwine to git chang'd
Kase it fits too soon,
An de old gray hoss
Dat I used to drive,
I will hitch him to de chariot in de morn

Giraffe

Here's a funny ...

Thanks to gummy.

Keep the Shiny Side Up

This Westcan Bulk Transport Ltd. semi truck overturned during a heavy rainstorm along Highway 9 south of Drumheller last Tuesday. The temporary dirt road turned slick with the bentonite soil and the bulk fuel tanker came to the west end of the construction and slid into the ditch. No one was hurt and none of the 44,000 L of gasoline was spilled. No charges were laid by Drumheller RCMP. Highway 9 was closed for a few hours while crews came in to right the truck and clean up the accident site.

Thanks to Valley Times

Wilbur on the Phone

It was Saturday afternoon, branding had gone really well, two hundred and twenty-five calves branded, vaccinated, de-horned, castrated and ear-tagged without so much as a kick on the chin.

The crew were having a Bud and a little rest before saying bye y'all 'till Casey's branding on Wednesday.

The cell phone laying on the tail gate rang and Wilbur picked it up.

"Hi honey, how's it going? Are you almost done branding?"

Wil: "Yep. We're just wrapping up the loose ends."

"I'm in town and looking at this beautiful saddle. It's only thirty-five hundred dollars! Think it'd be okay if I picked it up?"

Wil: "Well sure. If it's what you really want, go ahead."

"Oh you're a doll! You know, across the street at the dealership there's a bright sort of mauve looking one ton dually that would handle the horse trailer with no problem and they only want fifty-five thousand ... "

Wil: "That's certainly not cheap, but if we're paying that much just make sure it has all the optional equipment."

"And honey, you remember that acreage in the foothills we looked at a while ago - the one with the long winding driveway, the riding arena and the Spanish style hacienda? The price has been reduced to only nine hundred and fifty thousand and I think we have enough in the account to make a down payment."

Wil: "That'll be fine. Just be sure to leave a few grand in the account so we can eat tomorrow."

"Ha Ha Ha, you have a great sense of humor! Bye bye hon - love ya."

Wil: "You too - bye."

Then Wilbur held the phone high in the air and asked, "Who does this phone belong to"?

Korn Feeld Luv

A farmer, in place of posting a newspaper advertisement to search for a mate, resorted to planting a message in a cow pasture in 50-foot letters made from corn stalks.

The message, planted by Pieter DeHond, a 41-year-old divorced father of two, read: "S.W.F Got-2 (love symbol) Farm'n." (or Single White Female Got to Love Farming). Underneath was a long arrow pointing to his house.

"I wouldn't place a personal ad in the paper. To me it seems desperate," he said, laughing. "This is more of a fun thing. I put this out in a field where nobody could see it unless you flew over it. The folks here in Canandaigua are always asking me why I don't have a wife, and I was just kinda playing a game with them, that's all."

Link: Click here ...

Truckers

Two days after Hurricane Katrina struck the oil-laden Gulf Coast, many of the nation's truck drivers are encountering unprecedented fuel rationing as they brace for a spike in prices.

Wayne Kitchen, a Greer, S.C.-based driver for Bavarian Motor Transport, told WorldNetDaily he hasn't seen a shortage of this kind in his 30 years in the industry.

Link: Click here ...

I Believe in You (really)

I don't believe in superstars,
Organic food and foreign cars.
I don't believe the price of gold;
The certainty of growing old.
That right is right and left is wrong,
That north and south can't get along.
That east is east and west is west.
And being first is always best.

Don Williams

Imagine ...

Imagine the very, very, worst . . and then multiply that by 10

Original Caption: Floodwaters from Hurricane Katrina cover a portion of New Orleans, LA. In addition to a state of emergency declared by Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco (D), "certain parishes may have declared martial law." said Brecke Latham, a spokeswoman in the governor's office. (David J. Phillip / AP)

Thanks to www.stevequayle.com

Ensco 81

Thanks to Don Heidbrier and www.stevequayle.com

Ben Raines / Katrina Pours

Sunday, August 28, 2005
By BEN RAINES
Staff Reporter

Oil traders closed business on Friday confident that Hurricane Katrina would hit too far to the east to affect the price of oil and natural gas.

That was before the National Hurricane Center shifted the storm's possible path to a more westerly track that slices through the nation's main oil artery and could result in record prices for a barrel of crude within a matter of days.

If Hurricane Katrina holds true to predictions and tracks north through the toe of Louisiana's boot, much of the nation's oil and natural gas infrastructure will be exposed to 140 mile per hour winds, 30- to 50-foot waves, and water current speeds of around 20
knots all the way from the surface to the sea floor.

"This storm is going to pass through the meat of the oil and gas fields. The whole country will feel it, because it's going to cripple us and the country's whole economy," said Capt. Buddy Cantrelle with
Kevin Gros Offshore, which supplies rigs via a fleet of large crew vessels.

The equipment located in the storm's likely path includes the bulk of the nation's oil and gas production platforms, thousands of miles of
pipelines and -- perhaps most importantly for national gasoline prices -- much of the country's refinery capacity. In addition, the south Louisiana coastline serves as the entry point for around a third of the nation's imported oil.

Last year's Hurricane Ivan, which came ashore along the Alabama- Florida line moving through an area mostly devoid of rigs, caused widespread destruction both above and below water in the fields off Alabama and eastern Louisiana. Floating rigs were found drifting
hundreds of miles from the wells they had been plumbing, while some rigs with legs fixed to the bottom toppled into the sea. Hundreds of millions of dollars worth of pipelines were tangled and torn to pieces by sea currents and massive underwater mudslides.

The full extent of the damage wasn't known for days and the Gulf lost nearly 30 percent of production capacity for well over a month, which drove prices for oil up $12 a barrel within a few weeks. Prices for
both oil and natural gas surged upward and stayed high for months.

But that storm was just a baby tap on the Gulf's infrastructure compared with the blow some in the oil industry are predicting from Katrina.

"No matter where it hits at this point, it's going to hit a lot of rigs, and the whole country is going to notice," Cantrelle said. "And if this thing comes up through Port Fourchon like they're calling for
right now, well, that's where 30 percent of the country's oil comes ashore. They are forecasting 40-foot seas for Fourchon."

Port Fourchon, located at the tail end of a barely there two-lane highway just a foot or two above sea level, sits exposed to the sea almost like an island lighthouse thanks to the loss of thousands of
acres of marsh that once surrounded it. The port complex -- like that skinny strip of a highway now so low and close to the water that fishermen use parts of the shoulder as a miles-long boat ramp -- has
been rendered ever more vulnerable by the massive erosion of Louisiana's coastal marshes.

"A storm of this magnitude, we're expecting some serious damage here," C.J. Cheramie with the Fourchon Port Police said Saturday afternoon. "They started evacuating the rigs once the storm got into
the Gulf. We haven't seen any helicopter traffic in awhile, suggesting that everyone has made it in. We are evacuating inland. We'll try to reopen the port as quickly as we can. ... there's just no way to predict what will happen with a storm this size."

Cheramie said he hadn't heard about a helicopter crash reported earlier in the day. Cantrelle, with the crew boat company, told the Register that one of his boats picked up all three passangers unharmed after their copter was forced to ditch into the ocean on its
way back to shore.

Thousands of the 5,000 rig platforms in the Gulf are located in the predicted path of the storm, and many of them are aging. In previous storms, it has been the older rigs that most often end up wrecked.

"Lot of these jack-up rigs, we've been towing them around for 25 or 30 years. These things are getting to be pretty old," said Bobby Autin, with Louisiana International Marine, a rig towing company. "The storm shifted so fast nobody really had a chance to do much but get the people off the rigs. We didn't move any. I sent all of my boats to Texas."

Autin said that as soon as Katrina makes landfall he will scramble his boats back toward Fourchon because he expects there will be a lot of work.

"There are always going to be rigs in trouble after a storm like this. We may have to tow some, or some we will even hold in place if they've tipped over until they can get to them to work on," Autin said. "We were all stunned earlier this year by Cindy when it came
through. It was just a tropical storm and it did a lot of damage offshore. They're saying this storm is on the same track. Imagine what it's going to be like if a category 5 comes rolling through these rigs."

Katrina - Cat 5

Hurricane risk for New Orleans

Colt Cosgrave in Red Deer

Thanks to Valley Times

Sean Basinger in Cheyenne

Wall Street's no place for cowboys - and this ain't no bull!

Thanks to Rocky Mountain News and www.stevequayle.com

Cabin Fever

Testing ...

Slogan

Seen on Snyder's Plumbing truck:

A Royal Flush is better than a Full House.

Trader's Note: a jump in price without increasing momentum (MACD) means shorts are covering.

Signature Line

Heard this one yesterday. It could make a good signature line.

Only an intelligent person can have a sense of humour.

Seating 10,000

The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus


Seating 10,000 people (6 at a time).

A Story for Pat

The Star reports that there are no stories for Pat.

Well Pat, here's a story for you:

~~ZEBEDIAH & HIS EGG BUSINESS~~

Zebediah was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred
young layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job
was to fertilize the eggs.

Zeb kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform well went
into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of Zeb's
time; so, Zeb got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his
roosters.

Each bell had a different tone so that Zeb could tell, from a
distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report
simply by listening to the bells.

Zeb's favorite rooster was old Brewster. A very fine specimen he was,
too. But on this particular morning, Zeb noticed that Brewster's bell
had not rung at all!!
Zeb went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing! The
pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

BUT, to Zeb's amazement, Brewster had his bell in his beak, so
it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Zeb was so proud of Brewster that he entered him in the county
fair. Brewster was an overnight sensation.

The judges not only awarded him the
No Bell Piece Prize but also the Pulletsurprise.

Hang on Li'l Fella

Thanks to www.WashingtonPost.com

Not a Hummer in sight

Lining up for a fill in China.
Thanks to Kate's Site.

Welcome Mrs C.

We are honoured to welcome Mrs Campanella, Honolulu as a new member of Cult of the Absent-Minded.

Thanks to www.stevequayle.com

Warm and Fuzzy

If your church makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, it's time for a change.

Thanks to www.stevequayle.com and Steven Pinker.

Stone church Lake Tekapom, New Zealand

Sour Grapes

Church

From the church bulletin announcements: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

Speakers on for When the Saints go Marchin ...

Frost on the Pumpkin

August 13th and I had to scrape ice off the windshield this morning!

Past couple of weeks I've been busy over at the feedlot putting up silage.
Got rained out on Wednesday (10th) so I ended up getting a couple new tires put on my car.

Wassup Pardner?

Thanks to Linda Babb at www.stevequayle.com

Hail

Fairly serious hail storm last night. Golf ball sized hail and 40 mph wind did a lot of damage to windows, siding, vehicles and crops.

Spent the day picking up glass, boarding up windows, phoning glass companies. Four new windows ordered from Elite Glass in Calgary.

CBC News

The Dentist

I seem to have lost my sense of humour at the dental clinic. Maybe the Tylenol #3 messed with my humogenious receptors.

Melvin does a good job of saying what I'm thinking right about now.

No comments

I have disabled the "Comments" feature. You can email me at tnr82000@yahoo.ca

I try to check the email once a week or so.

Shuttle

Original Caption: Lights brighten the night sky as the Rotating Service Structure is rolled away from the Space Shuttle. (NASA/KSC)

Thanks to www.stevequayle.com

AQR explained

In this article, Gordon Pape explains his Average Quartile Ranking (AQR) for mutual funds.

One of my favorite funds is Trimark Canadian Resources. It has an AQR of 2.4 which according to Pape is not so hot, but I won't be dumping it just yet.

Photo Accreditation

Many of the photos used here come from www.stevequayle.com (Photo of the Day)

Farmall MD

Starts on gas, runs on diesel.

Except for the 'row-crop' configuration of the front axle, this International Farmall is very similar to the first motorized vehicle I ever attempted to drive.

Darling, I am growing old ...

John McCormack

Darling, I am growing old,
Silver threads among the gold
Shine upon my brow today;
Life is fading fast away;
But, my darling, you will be, will be,
Always young and fair to me,
Yes, my darling, you will be,
Always young and fair to me.
-Eben E. Rexford, 1848-1916

Wal-Mart outsourcing

I hear that Wal-Mart is finding it cheaper to shop in India. Some outsourcing will be switched from China to India.

At the same time, Wal-Mart has plans to build forty-five stores in China. Does this mean that Chinese will now be flipping over the newly bought trinket only to see "Made in India" stamped on the bottom?

Getting started ...

Cult of the Absent-Minded was inspired by this photo:

Thanks to www.imageshack.us